Back on the wagon? Pfffft! The wagon well and truely left without me!! I've actually put on 3lbs in the last 2 weeks! I am now the heaviest I've ever been (appart from when I was heavily pregnant). The thing that bugs me most is that I can not control what I am eating. I just can't do it.
And this coming from someone that was anorexic for 7 and a half years...
Hard to imagine but I just didn't eat and exercised pretty much 7 days a week. It was a pretty fucked up time in my life and that was the thing I COULD control, my eating. My lowest weight was 5 and a half stone. I remember being discharged from hospital after attempted suicide and getting my stomach pumped. I remember standing looking in the mirror and thinking how great it was that I had an indented stomach and that I was so light in weight. I tried not to eat but my body just couldn't take it anymore. I lost control...
I started to eat again when I met my sons dad. I put on weight and was 8 and a half stone for years. Then I had my son. Since then the weight has been creeping on. He will be 6 at the end of the month. 6 years I have spent on fad diets, weight watchers, slimming pills, all sorts of crap and none of it has worked. I've lost a few pounds here and there but I hate how much I weigh. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing what I've become.
I want to be able to gain the control back again, not to the extent of an eating disorder, just to be 'normal'.
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